Incongruence is there, can be there and will be there as a part of our lives.
There is incongruence within and in between individuals. People can love and hurt someone at the same time. They can believe in one thing, but act differently. People can approach something/someone and withdraw at the same time. There are people who can accept other people for their mistakes and yet reject oneself for making the same mistake. Two individuals can be connected yet disconnected on some levels.
I have often noticed people trying to be congruent with their own past choices, feelings and thoughts. These people consequently do not allow themselves to make new choices or feel new feelings and think differently than they have thought before.
People in love, have a script of love and they will tolerate absolutely no incongruence to it; the nature of love, the lover’s feelings and responses, the consistency of their own feelings, everything has to be congruent to the script.
Are we obsessed with congruence?? If so, it comes from our obsession with structure and predictability. What follows is the obsession to fit oneself into a pattern, a pattern that is congruent over time and is therefore predictable. It is a pattern that we then call one’s ‘self’ and spend our whole life trying to be congruent with, even when at every step we notice the incongruence within ourselves.
We are scared of incongruence because it increases the uncertainty.
Can we acknowledge and accept this incongruence first – even before we figure out how to deal with it?